


if it wasn't you, I wouldn't want anybody close to me

by t_hens



Series: projects for people [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, tatinof era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 12:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18250241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_hens/pseuds/t_hens
Summary: "I'm filming you.""Huh? No!"based on thevideoof Dan filming Phil sleeping during the tatinof tour.





	if it wasn't you, I wouldn't want anybody close to me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kay_okay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kay_okay/gifts).



> beta by [fourthingsandawizard](http://fourthingsandawizard.tumblr.com)
> 
> a _giant_ thank you to Kay for this prompt! 
> 
> to see information about getting a fic written for you, you can see [this post](http://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/183710958541/commissions-are-open) :)

Dan can feel rather than hear the wheels of the bus as they turn beneath him. Several weeks into the American leg of their tour is long enough for him to become familiar with the quiet drone. By now he can either just completely ignore it, or there’s always movies to watch on the tiny flat screen shoved into a corner of their room.

Their room. Dan smiles thinking of that. When they filmed a ‘behind the scenes’ section for the tatinof documentary, he had made a big production of pretending to climb out of the cramped bunk beds. He’s not sure anyone will actually believe he sleeps there. Aside from the fact that he’s three feet taller than the space is, his belongings are scattered around “Phil’s” room, something neither of them have bothered trying to hide. 

The cross-stitched sign saying “Dan & Phil” hung on the bedroom door probably doesn’t help this either.

It’s been a long day; a long month, really. But Dan loves touring, he well and truly does. Every day is something new, a driving force to get him out of bed and out doing something. His depression, though he and his doctor had both worried about how it would be managed, had been practically non-existent, as had the nagging thoughts about his place in the universe that oftentimes render him useless at home.

Phil’s not had such an easy go, though. Between the travel sickness and the pounding headaches, he’d also gotten sick twice already, and there were still two months to go. Phil had spent more time sleeping than Dan had ever seen in their nearly seven years together. He needed it, though, and Dan was happy to stay with him most times, laying near and rubbing a consoling hand down Phil’s back when he wanted affection. When he was ill and needed space, Dan would sit on the opposite end of the couch and keep himself busy with Mario Kart or trying to read complex books of poetry that Phil calls pretentious.

Today’s a bad day for Phil. He’d woken up with a migraine so bad he had tears in his eyes as he asked Dan to turn down his video and shut the blinds. At least it’s a travel day though; their bus moving somewhere along a highway with only wheat fields and windmills, so there are no pressing matters that would require Phil’s attention and he’s fine to lay in the tiny bed to try and sleep it off.

He’s sleeping next to Dan now, face scrunched in discomfort, even while unconscious. It makes Dan’s heart ache, wishing he could do something to help. He knows it’s futile, just like in the way that Phil always asks over and over if there is anything he can do to help Dan on his bad days. It’s no use to feel bad, he knows logically, but it’s never easy to see the person you love in pain - physical or mental.

The bus goes over a bump, and they are both jostled around. Phil cracks his eyes open and winces. 

“Hey,” Dan says softly, stroking the jut of Phil’s jaw with his thumb. “Feeling any better?”

Phil grunts back and winds an arm around Dan’s waist, nuzzling his face into Dan’s chest.

“Can I get you anything? Do you need some water or something?”

Dan can feel the shake of Phil’s head, so he wraps his arms around Phil and settles down for a nap. 

-

He’s not sure how much time passed in between falling asleep and waking, but the sky is a faint pink, so he imagines they are at least getting close to the hotel. Phil’s still dozing in his arms and his face doesn’t look quite as pinched now. Dan takes a second just to stare, because he’s alone and Phil is deep asleep and can’t accuse him of being Edward Cullen.

He’s not often awarded this luxury. Nine times out of ten, Phil is up and moving around before Dan, thanks to his horrendous sleeping habits. But he takes the time to soak it up while he can.

Phil’s beautiful - the sharp jut of his cheekbones and the hook of his nose. The way his face is dotted with tiny freckles and his eyes have little wrinkles in the corners. Things that maybe other people wouldn’t appreciate, but Dan does. Every tiny piece that makes Phil, Phil, and how could Dan not love them?

His bladder interrupts his admiration and he has to peel himself out of Phil’s arms, who doesn’t wake more than frowning and letting out a small huff of breath. Dan is able to get up and out of the room without waking him, which feels like a victory in a moving vehicle.

Everyone is gathered in the ‘living’ area when Dan extracts his long limbs from the bathroom. He’s got a hankering for chocolate and really needs to force Phil to drink some water, so he enters the area, nodding his head hello to them when they acknowledge him.

“How’s Phil doing?” Marianne asks. She’s doing a crossword and doesn’t look up, but the concern is obvious in her voice.

“He’s still sleeping, I think he might feel a little better, though.”

She hums her affirmation and stops writing long enough to check her phone.

“We’ll be at the hotel in about an hour, if you want to wake him up soon?”

Dan nods and carries his goods back to their room, careful to deposit the water in the cup holder next to the bed, lest they hit another bump and have to deal with all of their clothes getting soaked, _again_. 

He crawls back into bed and stays on his side for a bit, not wanting to wake him up just yet. There are games to play and YouTube videos to watch, so there’s no point in making Phil be awake until it’s completely necessary.

-

A little while later, Cornelia knocks gently and pokes her head in, whispering that they will be there in a few. Dan thanks her quietly and adjusts a little so he’s on his side, wanting to ease Phil awake as gently as possible. Phil is a heavy sleeper normally, but especially when he isn’t feeling well. Saying that he can sleep through an earthquake isn’t even an exaggeration. 

Dan gently shakes his shoulders and when he doesn’t so much as twitch, he grabs his phone, and turns the video on. He’s got a secret hoard of funny videos and pictures of Phil, and now seems like the perfect time to add to his collection.

Dan pokes a finger at Phil’s nose and he barely budges, making Dan raise a hand in wonder. He grabs a tuft of Phil’s dyed fringe that is hanging on his forehead. The hair tickles his forehead and falls into Phil’s eye, and that’s when he finally cracks his lids open enough to see Dan and close them again. He purses his lips, probably seeking out a kiss, and when Dan doesn’t give it to him immediately, he opens his eyes to lean in.

“I’m filming you,” Dan says. 

It’s not that he’s totally against the idea of having a video of them kissing, but for the sake of privacy and the worry of being hacked or posting something accidentally, it’s just better not to have too many of those videos.

Once Phil sees the phone pointed in his direction, he groans ‘No’ and burrows himself into Dan’s chest, making Dan giggle.

“Why would you wake me up like that?” Phil whines, still laying in Dan’s space.

“Cause it’s funny,” Dan says quietly, a laugh still in his voice.

“You’re an awful boy,” he breaths, starting to try and fall back asleep.

“We’re gonna be at the hotel in a few minutes. It’s time to wake up.”

He whines and complains, but he sits up and rubs his hands over his face. 

“Feeling any better?”

He thinks about it for a second and then nods, rooting around on the bedside table for his glasses and phone. 

“It’s still there, but not nearly as bad.”

Dan hums his understanding and gets up to find his shoes and overnight bag. All of their stuff has become one giant pile on the floor, both just rifling through it every time they have to get ready. It brings a smile to Dan’s face and he’s almost relieved that Phil isn’t paying attention because he’s not sure how he could possibly explain why their mutual mound of clothing makes him happy.

It’s just that having all of their things together, where anyone could walk in and see, feels like he’s getting away with something even though he’s not. Everyone on the bus knows, maybe not the whole situation, but they at least have an understanding that there is _something_ between himself and Phil. It’s pseudo honesty, saying it without saying it, and it makes Dan happy to know they can test boundaries without crossing them.

“Do you think we could get burgers for dinner?” Phil’s voice comes from behind him.

Dan stands up after finally extracting his joggers and a clean(ish) pair of jeans off of the floor.

“‘Course.”

Phil’s smile is bright even though his eyes are still tired. Dan’s got fondness running through his veins, and he sits back next to Phil and pulls him in for a gentle kiss.

He’s not sure he will ever tire of kissing Phil. His lips are soft and pink and fit perfectly in between his own. Kissing Phil feels like a taste of home, and he’s sure that’s why he hasn’t suffered with homesickness like Phil has. Dan would stay on the road forever if he knew that Phil didn’t dislike it so much.

The bus slows down, and they both hold on to the bed as it turns and moves over some bumps that are likely from the parking lot of their hotel. Once it comes to a halt, Marianne’s voice carries even through their closed door and they break apart. They’ll have plenty of time for kisses once they are settled into their room.

-

The touring company had booked them each a room, as they had for the entire tour, but they were never both used, except on that rare occasion Dan wanted to stay up late playing video games and Phil didn’t feel well and wanted to sleep. It was mostly a waste, but they hadn’t argued, figuring it was better to just play nice and accept the room they most likely wouldn’t even use. The room tonight is nice, comfy-looking and bright, and a nice reprieve from the bus.

Dan deposits his bag on the bed and starts going through it to find his toiletry bag. Phil’s already got his in hand and is stripping off his clothes. Dan stops searching and stares because he can, and because they have a tiny bit of real privacy tonight. There’s a chance nothing will come from it since Phil’s still not feeling 100 percent, but there’s no harm in admiring.

“Wanna take a shower?” Phil asks once he’s fully undressed and is smirking at Dan’s staring.

Dan agrees easily and hurriedly strips. He leads the way to the bathroom, feeling Phil following behind. When Dan stops in the doorway and admires the crisp white walls and spacious shower, he feels a pinch on his behind. He turns and stutters out his surprise, but Phil just smiles and kisses his dimpled cheek, moving past to start the shower.

The water is too hot, but Dan doesn’t try and change it. Phil refuses to get in water if it’s not above 21 degrees, and though that’s not how Dan prefers his showers, he’s not gonna pass up an opportunity to get Phil alone and naked in a shower.

“Are you gonna stare all night, or you gonna join me?” Phil’s being cheeky, so he must feel better; Dan crowds him against the cold wall and kisses him deeply.

They haven’t gotten much time together like this since the tour started. Most nights they are too tired or there is something pressing that needs their attention. There are always emails to answer and phone calls to return, and videos to film, too. It’s a constant stream of things that need to be taken care of, but when they have a chance to get this time together and they are both well enough, they try not to let it pass.

Dan doesn’t do anything other than kiss, letting Phil take the lead tonight since he wasn’t feeling well, and he is not disappointed. Phil rubs his semi hard erection into Dan’s thigh, and he can’t help but smile into the kiss. Phil is probably the most impatient person in the world; when he has an idea or wants something, he wants it right that second. Dan’s happy to oblige this particular desire though. 

-

Once they’re both clean and dry, climbing into their bed in pajamas, Dan orders them burgers and Phil puts something on Netflix, though neither will probably pay much attention to it. Dan burrows into the covers and sighs deeply, happy to be able to finally stretch out his legs properly.

“Don’t fall asleep. You’ve got to answer the door when the food comes.”

“Psh! Why do I have to get it? I ordered it!”

Phil giggles a bit and gets under the covers himself. “Because I’m not well.” He pouts and gives Dan puppy dog eyes.

“You weren’t too unwell to get a blowjob in the shower,” Dan grumbles, but Phil waves a hand at him.

“Yeah, but you did all the work there.”

“That’s exactly why you should get the door! Imagine how sore my knees are!”

Phil blushes a little, which makes Dan’s lips twitch a bit. No, Phil isn’t as innocent as people like to believe he is, but occasionally when Dan says something less than Christian, he will still blush and sputter a bit, and it’s Dan’s favorite thing.

“Fine, you make a fair point.”

“Almost like I could have been a lawyer, right?”

They stare at each other for a second; Phil trying to gauge Dan’s mood about this particular subject, and Dan trying to keep a straight face. It doesn’t last long, though; soon they are both laughing far too loudly for when they are sharing a wall with someone, but neither cares.

There is a knock on the door not too long after and Phil groans and makes a big dramatic show about getting up, but he does and brings the food back to the bed. Dan is watching the video he took of Phil earlier, and knows he has a dopey smile on his face, thanks to Phil poking him in the cheek and smirking.

“What’s got you so sappy?” he asks, tucking into his food.

“Just that video I took of you earlier. It’s cute.”

Phil watches it from Dan’s phone, and his eyebrows are furrowed when it’s over, but he doesn’t say anything right away. 

“What’s up?” 

Phil shrugs. “Were you gonna post that video?”

Dan considers for a second. “I mean, I hadn’t planned on it? It was mostly just for me.”

“You could,” Phil replies, his voice so quiet Dan almost doesn’t hear him. 

“Yeah?”

He nods and takes another bite, not bothering to finish it before answering. “If you wanted to.”

“God, Phil, finish eating your food before you talk.” He’s taking the piss, because he can and he knows that Phil won’t take him seriously. “Would you really be okay with that?”

They are both aware of the underlying meaning in the question. The video is more than just what it is on the surface - there is no platonic explanation for them to be on the same cramped bed and Dan filming him waking up. No, there are no items that are specifically Dan’s in the shot, but the video is enough of an implication.

“Yeah. I think that would be fine. A nice compromise.”

Dan doesn’t ask what he’s referring to because he already knows. It’s another step in the direction of being more honest and not hiding as much, without saying it straight out. Neither are interested in announcements or declarations about themselves, or their relationship, but they had both decided a while ago to just be more honest and not try too hard to hide things.

“Everyone’s gonna freak out,” Dan says, but for once he doesn’t feel anxious and scared by the thought.

“I mean, probably,” Phil shrugs again. “But then again, they kind of freak out about everything. Remember the three-legged DDR video? We barely touched and everyone went nuts.”

“True.” 

They let the subject drop, becoming preoccupied with their food and the house hunter show that Phil had put on. 

-

Later, when they are tucked into bed with the covers drawn tight and their legs tangled, arms wrapped tightly around each other, Dan brings it up again.

“What do you think about putting that video in the documentary?”

Phil yawn widely and nods. “Tha’s a good idea,” he mumbles sleepily.

Dan chuckles and presses a kiss to Phil’s forehead, telling him goodnight.

Maybe they will add it to the documentary. Maybe he’ll post it on Instagram, or maybe he won’t do anything with it at all, but it’s nice knowing he has the option. It’s another step towards being open and honest, and Dan’s happy that Phil is right next to him, ready to take that step together.

**Author's Note:**

> like/reblog on [tumblr](http://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/183732244326/if-it-wasnt-you-i-wouldnt-want-anybody-close-to) or view on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ta_hens/status/1110676772985528320) if you like :)


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